A Lesson For Baseball Noobs

I welcome new fans to the beautiful sport that is baseball with open arms. Hell, we need you guys. But if you’re new to baseball and come to a game, please follow this one rule: keep your dumb fucking questions to yourself. I’d say 9/10 fans do not want you asking us if Aaron Judge is a pitcher during a 1-1 game in extra innings (that was my experience last night).

I don’t want to be an ass, but this problem tends to be of the female variety. I’ve heard of guys being annoying as well in this regard, but they’re the minority. I was at yesterday’s game, which we will not go into because it was stupid and I did not have fun but around the 7th inning one dude and two girls sat behind me, replacing the adorable British family that had been sitting there (I could listen to those accents all fucking day. Don’t care where I am. Pleasant as shit).

So this trio of idiots sits down and the dumb questions start flowing. One of them asked that Judge gem above. She saw the number 5 on the screen for the pitch count and goes “so that means he’s pitched five times??” Things like that.

To make things worse they were complete “woo girls”. Oh someone walked? WOOOOOO!! Strikeout? WOOOOOO!! Shouting nonstop “come on Sanchez you need to get a hit!!”. Stuff like that. I rolled my eyes so hard for four innings that they almost fell out of my head. When you’re at a baseball game don’t act like you’re at your friend’s bachelorette party and you just can’t cause she’s “SO BAD!” No one thinks you’re cute, so shut the fuck up and take your talents back to some bar in Murray Hill.